Keeping up Appearances

I'm the typical melancholic individual who keeps feelings and opinions verbally repressed, but 'alternatively' expressed; all the while, trying to appear normal and acceptable. Enough is enough! So, I have begun a quest to keep it real with the people in my life...and with myself. For starters, this blog will facilitate my cognitive and emotional ventilation process...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Cultural Nugget

For anybody who is interested in reading a comprehensive analysis of the above paralinguistical expression, click here.

Pushing Buttons

I was just talking about this with a friend of mine…

Is it just me? Or are elevator experiences different between the East Coast and West Coast. I’ve personally observed that WC elevator riders might be more considerate than EC elevator riders. Consider the following:

WC Scenario:
Most of the time, when you get on an elevator and there is already somebody standing by the floor buttons…What do they do????? They OFFER to push the button to your floor for you! “What floor?” …”five…uh thanks!” “No problem!”

Now there are occasions when the person standing by the buttons is not really in a position to offer because there are multiple individuals entering at the same time. In such cases, you just make a public request for somebody to push the button to your desired floor. Done! No worries!

EC Scenario:
Now this is where it gets interesting… Here, when you get on the elevator, the person standing by the button pad has already pressed his floor, and either stares at the ground or at the wall, refusing to make eye contact with anyone entering the elevator. When somebody enters, they simply maneuver their arm between the person standing by the buttons and the button pad and press their floor (all the while aware that people are entering behind them). Then this person tries to make their way to the back of the elevator.

Now in the mean time, someone who has just stepped on, and snuggled him/herself in a nice little corner remembers that s/he has not pressed their floor button so then they peek to see if their button is illuminated. If it’s not, instead of making a polite public request (God forbid they talk to strangers!) they nudge, dodge, and gently wrestle their way through all the people in the elevator and make their way to the button pad. But that same guy is standing there staring at the wall, and this person who has just made all that effort to get this close to the buttons still refuses to consider a simple whisper ‘Sir. Would you please press # 14?”...... and relinquish the opportunity to press the button for themselves? NEVER!

I think that buttons are irresistible to many people. Kind of like bubble wrap….once you get a hold of some you always want to pop it. (I personally like the wrap with the really small bubbles).

Like my friend was saying last night…even when people see that the button (elevator, traffic light, etc.) is illuminated or has already been pressed….they push it. And sometimes they hold it down as if that will expedite things! I mean, I’m sure we’ve all seen it turn into a serious obsession and preoccupation!

It’s like we feel so awkward when we are placed in a situation where we have to stand with strangers….so we automatically find something external to focus our attention on…A book, ipod, newspaper, fingernails, walls, floors, windows, and of course….Buttons!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Ghetto Christians!

This has circulated at least three times in my hotmail inbox. But ain't it the truth!

You know you're a Ghetto Christian if:

You lie on an applicationto get a joband then get upand testify that"God made a way out of no way"

You get mad at a visitorand call them outfor sitting in YOUR seat.

You tell the preacherto baptize you from the neck downbecause you just got your hair did!

You take 2 hoursto get ready for church,get there late,and leave early!!!

You open your Bible and you coughf rom the dust that flies out.

Your wedding song is'Secret Lovers'.

You do not lift your hand during worshipbecause your acrylic nail is broken.

The only timeyou like to sing in the choiris when they let yousing "your" song.

You do not donateto the churchbecause you say,"the preacher might be crookedand stealing the Lord's money,so I don't want to give it to him."

After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but you say,"Well the Lord knows my heart."

If you have ever said,"show me in the Bible where it says,thou shall not smoke."

Your favorite part of the serviceis the benediction.

You buy "hot" merchandiseand testifythe Lord blessed mewith a TV, jewelry, clothes, etc.

You overheard someone say,"We got fed today at service"and you askedif they served chicken.

You just got finished smoking on the outside of the churchand then try to lead a song,get choked up, holding your throatand say to the congregation,"The devil don't want me to sing this song."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Are You Passive Aggressive?

Recently, this guy that I was ‘kinda talking to’ told me that I was. Truth be told, he’s right. The reason why I’ve been so quick to dismiss the notion is because I can’t stand people who are passive aggressive! Damn! Now I’m a hypocrite! So struggling to process that double dose of character blemish revelation, I, the hypocritical passive-aggressor will explore this matter further.

I think there are a couple situations in which I am likely to engage my passive aggressive like ploys:


I’ve discovered that I’m pretty good at manipulating myself into action. Ok let me explain. Sometimes there can be a few matters over which I am indecisive; therefore, I don’t take action...for reasons of fear, insecurity, etc. I find this state of irresolution unbearable! Overcoming insecurities and fears is a long and arduous process; furthermore they are a major obstacle to decision making. Thankfully, I have been flexible enough to side-step my way around this self-derived/temporary/soon to be self -extinguished handicap in a passive agressive sort of way. I try to manipulate an outcome: create a situation that would in itself decide for me my course of action.

For example, when my hair was long and relaxed, I was tired of the way I looked and wanted a drastic change—a hair cut. I told all my friends that I was going to cut my hair. Months went by and no hair cut. I was scared of what the results might be. If I only had to courage to do it! Everybody always teased me about the shape of my head, not to mention the fact that I am bone skinny with no figure….even my father told me I have the body of a pre pubescent boy. So just imagine how I would look with no hair! But I desperately wanted to change my look. What would I do? My temporary solution was to add weave to the back for fuller hair. But this was not drastic enough because my hair was just as long as the extensions. So when it came time to take down my hair, I undid the cornrows…..

…..but did not comb my hair before I washed it.

Sistas…ya’ll know what happened after that! My hair turned in to ONE BIG DREAD LOC! It was done. So I frantically called my stylist to make an emergency appointment and see if she could detangle my hair. But I knew it was done. When I got there she took one look at me and gasped. Then I saw tears start to well up in her eyes. (If there was a Scissor UNHAPPY stylist, it would be she) She pulled out the scissors… “Girl! There is only one way to fix this!” she said, and proceeded to chop away.


I felt relieved! Such peace overwhelmed me! I too started to shed tears….but not so much for the foot of hair that I lost as for the joy and excitement I now felt knowing my transformation was imminent! And yes ladies and gentlemen, the result was fabulous! I went back to my roots! A short fro and no more chemicals! I was rocking it like you wouldn’t believe! On the way home I was approached 3 charming gentlemen. Ladies, thank goodness that men are starting to appreciate us 'short n natural' sistas!

Dead End Relationships:

Oh dear.....check back later for this one.......

Stay tuned for some posts in the near future!